Lagaz Designs - Art. Jewelry. Life. Aboriginal artwork ATCs

I really have to update my blog on a more consistent basis. I haven't posted anything since almost last summer. Wow, that's terrible. Just goes to show how busy I have become, and what a low priority my blog has become. So I apologize, for my readers who are floating out there, that I haven't updated my blog. Thanks to those who come to check if I have posted anything new, I appreciate it.

I have been busy, but not with any new creative works unfortunately. I have been working so much...at one point I had four jobs I was going to. I was trying to get money for me to go to school, but things happened and that didn't work out. I'm an Educational Assistant who wants to become a Teacher. I applied to go through an university education program for Aboriginal Educational Assistants, and I got accepted. Which is great! The program would allow me to continue working at the school where I am employed, and take my courses part time in fall/winter, then full time spring/summer. It'll take me 6-7 years to finish the program, but I would get so much experience by the time I graduate. But I couldn't go last fall. I had to re-mortgage my house, etc., to try and get my finances in order, but there wasn't financial room for me to go.

I still want to go. I've been an EA for 10 years at a Junior High, and I have more teaching experience than some of the university students that come to the school to student teach their last block. I try so hard not to "take over" the classroom. They have to do their job, and I have to stay within mine. The regular teachers don't mind. They treat me so well, when I am in their classrooms, I enjoy being there.

Do you know that feeling that you get when you know you can do something so much greater than yourself? That you are so passionate about something, that it fills your heart so completely and makes your chest want to burst because you're not sure if you can hold it all? I feel like that when I think about going to University. I'm 36. I want to be a teacher. I want to help kids, teach them. Being an EA is not enough. But I get so discouraged when I look at the price tag of going to University. How can I possibly afford going to school and supporting my family? *sigh* It's hard to have a dream, and then face reality.

I am smart, I am dedicated, I would try my very best and then some to succeed if I had the opportunity. One of my friends is going through the same program, we were hoping to start at the same time. Keirin has done so well in her classes, I am very proud of her. She has told me how the other students are doing in the program so far. Some people have hardly shown up!! WHAT?!
Here's how the program works (minimal breakdown, there's more to it obviously):

Status or Treaty Indian and part of a Indian Band and/or Reservation - your band/reservation will fund your schooling (includes tuition, books, supplies, lodging if applicable)
Metis (Aboriginal & European descent) - you pay for your schooling yourself. However, if your course is less than two years, there's a really good chance you can get funding for it through the Metis Federation. If going to University, you may qualify for the last two years of your degree...maybe.

I have no qualms against this. If you are Status/Treaty and want to go to school and know you will do well, then take the opportunity!! But what really gets me, is that some of these people who are in the program, who do have full funding, are squandering it. Not showing up, not doing the work, complaining about the course, etc. If you didn't want to dedicate yourself to this program then why did you take the money and go? Ugh. And this is exactly why Aboriginals are cast is such a poor light. If I had that opportunity to go, and had full funding, I would be over the moon with joy!! *sigh* I make too much money for Student Aid, and too little money for a student loan. I am unable to get funding from the Metis Federation, because I am not in my last two years. All I want to do is just be able to start.

I am Aboriginal. I am Metis. I am proud to be who I am, and where I come from. I want to be better than what I am. I am always learning, trying new things, asking advice, seeking others wisdom, etc. I am a teacher already, I just want the little piece of paper saying that I officially am in the eyes of the professional world.

I'd love to be an Art teacher. A Home Ec. teacher, just the sewing part of it (LOL!), I could do the cooking part, but sewing I would enjoy so much! An Industrial Arts teacher would be awesome too. I would be one of the few female Industrial Arts teachers, that's for sure! I can certainly do the mainstream academics also, but being creative with the students, that's fun for me :) I already have an Afterschool Art club, that has been running for five years. I enjoy that a lot, but I need something a bit more. Ahhh, to dream...

I apologize for the rant. I just needed to get it out there. I apologize to those who I may have offended, confused or what else I may have done to you emotionally. Thank you for listening, I appreciate your patience.

I say unto the Creator/Universe: I want to go to University to become a Teacher. I want the opportunity to be able to go without me having to worry about the financial means. This is what I want with my whole heart! Miigwetch. Thank you!